Like A Duck In The Rain

Click on this link, it will take you to the song I have been listening to for the last year. I've made this song my prayer and watched God do some pretty amazing things. 
Thirst - Phil Wickham

Today was a good day. It was a duck in the rain, and mud puddle, spring break sort of day. It started out with me cleaning my kitchen. Yes, very practical, but also rewarding. I had a little bit of time to spare this morning so I sat down at my keyboard and played until something worth recording came. It was different than anything I've ever recorded before. I had been planning to write something that I could see myself singing to God as a worship song. As I was thinking and praying about it, He flipped it on me and I felt like He wanted to me to remember and think about His love for me. The words that drifted through my mind as I was playing went like this:
"There's a place that My heart longs to go,
There's a heart that I want to know,
A voice that I want to hear, and it's yours."
Wow. God already knows all about us, but He also wants to know us how we want to show Him. I was still thinking about that when Jon came.
We decided to go for a walk in the woods at the park. It wasn't raining and it was warm so I went just like I was, flip flops and all. The earth was soggy and wet. Muddy to be precise. I was thankful for the old leaves on the path that were a thin insulation from the mud sticking to our shoes. But after a while I gave up and went barefoot. It was easier than trying to keep the mud and water out of my flip flops. The cool wet ground felt good on my bare feet and it was easier to walk without making a lot of noise. We listened to the birds singing their happy, liberated spring songs and I found myself searching for and unearthing random little green shoots to see what they were and excitedly pointing to this and that that I found, celebrating the spring. Jon watched me and chuckled, amused.
"Oh," I thought looking at my muddy feet and fingers, "I guess not everyone joyously walks through the mud in the woods in April (and barefoot too) to look for spring."
"I don't think I would enjoy walking barefoot through the mud in the woods, and there's no way I would know names to all the plants like you do, but I'm glad you do. I think you're beautiful." said Jon.
We enjoyed the rest of our walk and then went home and had lunch and homework and I cleaned the kitchen - again. I opened the window so we could hear the birds and the thunderstorm outside. Gifts. Spring time comes bearing gifts. New life, thunderstorms, flowers, sunshine.

I've realizing some things in the past few days. Part of me is holding my breath waiting for all of these extravagantly wonderful things to stop happening and being a part of my life. Is God ever wasteful with His love? It seems like He is sometimes, especially when I think about myself as not being worthy of it. I think there is a difference between humility and shame. Humility knows there isn't a way I can ever deserve His love, but accepts it and wears it anyway content to be loved and to wear the identity that comes with it. Shame hides away and brings a feeling of self-punishment that actually separates me from being able to receive gifts from God in thankfulness and feels obligated to find a way to try to pay it back. Shame and pride; same, same, really.

God values us in a way that I think I may probably always struggle to grasp fully. Not just as part of creation, but He values a relationship with us. He wants to know us for us, not just know all about us. Wow, Whoa! There is a wholeness to be found in letting our hearts be recovered and restored by the One who created them and I am discovering it, slowly. I'm celebrating every time I find something old I can let go of, and doing my best to embrace every new thing that brings me closer to Him. It requires taking risks, and sometimes unlearning (so many) old patterns of thinking. It feels like being undone and restored at the same time. Easter Sunday sermon was about letting God's love and other people in our lives help us become unwound from the "grave clothes" that keep us back from being able to function fully in life. This feels like that, I think.

Life is worth more than always being dignified, caring what other people think, and having to hold everything together. There is a lot of joy in the humility of being able to walk through the woods barefoot in April and find little green shoots of spring, or in being opened up to God in new ways to receive His love, and love from others. There is great freedom in learning to be ok with being wrong, being a little ridiculous, taking risks, being flexible, and occasionally being laughed at. Being brave enough to be vulnerable enough to go those places consistently is my goal. I'm not there yet. I still find myself comparing myself to everyone else all the time. Comparison is a thief of joy.

Don't let the thief steal your joy. And happy spring! May you have many rainy duck, delightful days.
Blessings,
Vicki

Comments

  1. Wow,this is really worth reading! I often forget about this part of life because of my life of constant debate and my tenancy to smash my way through to my goals. It's helpful to remember that God actually cares about us and is there to help us when we asked him. Thanks Vicki.

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  2. This was well written and very close to my heart! I love the thought of unlearning some of those old ways. Isn't spring grand? There are so many metaphors of life and newness, down to the bare feet squishing through the mud.

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